I’m definitely bi and that doesn’t change.

What does change is my feelings of self esteem, which sadly still fluxuates even though I know I’m an amazing, sexy creature :).

When I feel insecure, overweight, or have things that shake up my world, the way I see photos of beautiful women naked or sexily dress changes.  I feel myself feeling less sexy, in comparison. In real life, I see sexy strangers as something I’m not quite up to par with, something better than me, something I’m not.

When I’m more secure, feel good about the way i look and have been in a solid place for sometime, I find the same photos sexy, inspiration (for sexy times ahead), something that reminds me of the way i feel, etc.  In real life, sexy strangers or people I know are people to flirt with, bat eyes with, point out to my sexy boyfriend to see if he thinks she’s cute too.

I’m getting to a place where I feel 100% secure again. I feel secure in my relationship - my amazing relationship with my incredible boyfriend who I am lucky to be in love with. but I don’t feel secure yet on my own.  I set up a situation where I created more chaos in my life than I was willing to handle, and it shook me to the core.  I’m rebuilding my self esteem right now and ready for more moments where sexy women in life and photos do it for me.  It’s just not happening on a regular basis right now.

I know I’ll get back to that awesome, secure spot for myself. In the meanwhile, I have to be happy for the random moments when my attraction to girls rears it’s head (thanks, alcohol) and work on finding ways to remember just how sexy I am.

You know how they say, you can never truly love someone else before you love yourself?

Same is true about attraction to other women and confidence and attraction for myself.

damn skinny bitches, high calorie food and my general dislike of the gym :)

maybe it’s time to sign up for those dance classes I keep talking about…

Also, sex with my boyfriend keeps helping remind me how sexy I am.  No way a man that hot likes girls who aren’t :)  I felt sexier than anything wearing a new lingerie set last week…looking forward to wearing that again for new years…